Saturday, 24 February 2018


What-is-Shariah.jpgRecently the word Shariah has become very familiar.  Across the globe people are fond of using it even when they are not familiar with what it actually means.  Sections of the media and hate groups give the impression that Shariah is a set of draconian laws intent on amputating hands and lopping off heads.  This explanation is far from the truth.  Shariah literally means a well-worn path to a water source, and Islamically, it is a term that is used to describe Islam as a complete way of life.  Water is essential to human life and the religion of Islam is essential to complete spiritual wellbeing.  Thus Shariah is a set of laws that provide a clear and straight path to fulfillment in this life and success in the Hereafter.   
The Shariah is made up of commandments, rules and regulations that are designed by God to protect and benefit all of humankind.  It is true that the Shariah does encompass a penal code and system of law but that is only one aspect of it.  It also provides the framework for a functioning society with specific moral, ethical, social and political codes of conduct.  The Shariah allows each individual to form an ongoing relationship with God.  Its laws provide the guidance humankind requires so that good will triumph over evil. 
The Shariah covers two main areas, worship and worldly matters.  In both, the scholars of Islam generally agree that mercy is its overriding principle.  God says in the Quran that Prophet Muhammad, may the mercy and blessings of God be upon him, was not sent except as a mercy to humankind.  (Quran 21:107) Prophet Muhammad reiterated this concept when he told his followers that "God shows mercy to those who have mercy on others.  Show mercy to those on earth, and the One above the heaven will show mercy to you."[1]
The Shariah is derived from the primary sources of Islam, the Quran and the authentic Sunnah, or teachings, of Prophet Muhammad.  The Quran gives us the main principles while the Sunnah provides the details of their application.  For example, when the Quran tells us to establish the prayer we must turn to the Sunnah in order to understand the details of how to pray.   The Shariah also includes scholarly consensus, legal analogy and interpretive reasoning.  This allows the Shariah to remain relevant in changing social and cultural circumstances.
Family law is one of the worldly matters in the Shariah and it includes marriage, divorce, matters pertaining to children and inheritance.  Common law covers, buying and selling, contracts and other financial matters.  The penal code or criminal law includes robbery, murder, adultery, rape and slander. 
It is almost universally accepted that there are five objectives or goals with which the Shariah preserves basic human rights.  These rights are faith, life, the family, intellect and wealth.   Fourteenth century legal scholar, Ibn al Qayyim stated that, the foundation of Shariah is wisdom and the safeguarding of people’s rights…"
1.     Faith (religion).  God has made religion and worship obligatory.  He has made the religion of Islam, and all that it entails, obligatory.  Thus the first objective of the Shariah is to uphold the right to worship God in the way that He has commanded.  The Shariah also contains rules and regulations pertaining to learning and propagating the religion.
2.     Life.  The Shariah is designed to preserve human life.  Life is sacred because it is a gift from God.  The taking of one human life is like killing the whole of humanity.  Likewise saving one life is like saving all of humanity.  (Quran 5:32)
3.     The Family.  Marriage is legislated in the Shariah and sex outside of marriage is forbidden.  Every child has the right to grow up in a family and in safety, thus taking care of the family and the needs of orphans is an essential part of the Shariah. 
4.     Intellect.  Sound intellect and knowledge is promoted and anything that corrupts or weakens it, such as alcohol and drugs, are forbidden.  A strong intellect is a benefit to humankind, thus the Shariah encourages the education of both sexes.
5.     Wealth.  People have the right to own and protect their wealth and property.  Theft is forbidden, transactions are regulated and usury is forbidden.   Laws that promote justice and fair dealing have been provided to govern commerce and transactions.  Via obligatory charity the wealth of the community reaches those in need. 
The Shariah is a straight way and a set of God given guidelines that when followed correctly will assure that every believer attains the ultimate success; a blissful life in the Hereafter.  God said of the Shariah, "Then We put you, [O Muhammad], on a straight way concerning the matter [of religion]; so follow it and do not follow the inclinations of those who do not know." (Quran 45:18) Thus we find that the Shariah is all about justice, mercy, wisdom, and righteousness.  Any opinion or Islamic ruling that replaces justice with injustice, mercy with its opposite, good with mischief, or wisdom with nonsense, is an opinion that is not Shariah, even if it is claimed to be so.[2]
In the last few years it seems that anybody who is literate can claim to be qualified to make Islamic rulings.  Because of this, it is important to remember that the behavior of a Muslim may not be from the Shariah, and the opinion of a scholar may also not be from the Shariah.  Similarly the actions of a group of people, or a state that calls itself Islamic, may not be in accordance with the Shariah no matter how many times they proclaim themselves to be Muslim. The Shariah is defined by the moral purposes and the ethical principles set in the Quran and the authentic Sunnah of Prophet Muhammad.  Any interpretations that defy those doctrines are wrong and not from Islam.
[2]Ibn Al-Qayyim.  I'lam al-Muwaqqi'in 'an Rabb al-'Alamin.

Wednesday, 14 February 2018

The Prophet's Teachings

There is a large collection of the Prophet's  sallallaahu  `alayhi  wa  sallam ( may  Allah exalt his mention )  ideas, thoughts, instructions, teachings, beliefs, morals, manners and principles. The greatness and glory of Islam rests upon these ideals. Only a portion of them are listed here.

Purity of Self 

1. Wise is he who regards himself small, and performs deeds that are useful after death; foolish is he who is controlled by his desires and expectant of Allah's grace and mercy.
2. The strong man is he who controls himself, not the one who throws down his adversary.
3. Contentment is treasure that is never empty.
4. To give up the unimportant is highly religious.
5. Advice is a trust and wrong instruction is a breach of trust.
6. To give up evil or wickedness is also a charity.
7. Modesty is a branch of faith.
8. Health and comforts are blessings not available to all.
9. Moderation in spending is equal to half of one's income. (Spending with sense is as good as half of one's income).
10. Careful thinking is wisdom.
11. The one who keeps promises is righteous.
12. Wisdom is the greatest wealth.
13. Good speech is the charm of man.
14. Ignorance is the greatest limitation.
15. One who is trustworthy is righteous.
16. Love is not as effective as good manners.
17. Humility elevates one's position.
18. Alms-giving does not lead to decrease of wealth.
19. Don't mock at your brother or you might meet the same situation.
20. Bad manners spoil good qualities as vinegar spoils honey.

Obedience to Parents
1. Allah is pleased when the father is pleased. Allah is displeased when the father is displeased.
2. Of all the deeds performed, offering prayers on time is the best, and then the second in importance is obedience to parents.
3. The greatest sins are polytheism, disobedience to parents, giving false evidences and telling lies.

Behaviour with Relatives
"Kinship"[ in Arabic- rahim] is derived from "The Most Beneficent" [in Arabic- rahman]. The man who maintains the bonds of kinship is close to Allah and one who severs relations with his kin is forsaken by Allah Almighty.

Bringing up Daughters
1. One who raises and educates three or two daughters or sisters, out of fear of Allah Almighty, will go to Paradise (even if the number is one).
2. Bringing up daughters is a test; one who passes the test will be safe from Hell.

Bringing up Orphans 

One who brings up orphans will be with me (the Prophet  sallallaahu  `alayhi  wa  sallam ( may  Allah exalt his mention )) like the two fingers of a hand (in the Hereafter).

One who is not merciful and kind cannot expect mercy upon him.

Evils of Begging
1. One who begs is collecting fire (of Hell) for himself, whether it is small or great.
2. The worst person is he who begs in the Name of Allah and still gets nothing. Don't beg from men for Allah's sake. It is better to demand from Allah Himself.

1. Those who are not kind to the young and do not respect the elders, do not belong to us.
 2. Be kind to people on the earth and Allah will be Merciful in Heaven.
3. In friendliness and sympathy, the Muslims are like a building in which the bricks strengthen one another.
4. To meet cheerfully, to talk about virtues, to prevent people from vices and villainy, to show the right path to those who have lost the way, to lead weak-sighted persons on the way, to remove thorns, stones, and bones from paths and to draw water from wells for others, are all deeds of virtue.
5. To greet and feed the poor, and to say prayers alone at night are the good signs of Islam.
6. Only courteous men will be close and dear to me on the Day of Judgement. I shall be disgusted and distant from those who are not well-behaved. I am also sick of those who talk nonsense, discuss things irresponsibly and are proud.
7. To live comfortably is not arrogance. Arrogance is to despise the people and to reject the truth.
8. Love all; in it is half of wisdom.
9. Don't behave well only when others behave well and to mischief if others do mischief. Instead, try to behave well with those who behave well with you and do not create mischief if they do likewise.

The Greatness of Learning
1. One who seeks knowledge finds the road to Paradise easier.
2. Knowledge is obligatory upon every Muslim.
3. Quest for learning is atonement for past sins.
4. Learning is greater than devotion and optional prayer in importance.
5. Knowledge and wisdom are your lost treasures; seek them wherever they are.
6. He who conceals his knowledge will be chained with fire.
7. Nothing in the world is better than the collecting of knowledge and patience. 

From: The Last of the Prophets, by Qadi Muhammad Mansurpuri

Sunday, 11 February 2018

How Advisable is Marriage Between Relatives?

Marriage is a means of establishing new relationships, and expanding the sphere of connections within the community. However, marriage between relatives does not contribute to establishing new relationships as is the case in marriage to non-relatives. So, it is better for a Muslim woman to marry a non-relative if there is a potential husband who possesses the specifications that pleases her and her guardians.
In many cases, to marry a non-relative is necessary if there are no relatives available, who have the characteristics of the Muslim husband that are stipulated by Islam, with respect to piety, a good reputation, and a healthy body, soul and mind; or if there is such a man but the woman or her guardians did not accept him. Getting married to non-relatives provides the woman with a wider field of establishing connections, as a result of exposure to an environment and community other than the one she was brought up with.
Moreover, marriage between relatives might lead to weak offspring due to the accumulation of negative hereditary characteristics. It may be this factor which prompted ‘Umar bin Al-Khattaab, may Allah be pleased with him, to advise the Muslims saying, "Marry from non-relatives lest your (offspring) would be weak."

Of course, this does not mean that marriage to relatives is prohibited or unfavorable, if the suitable conditions are met. Rather, this draws our attention to the danger of preventing marriage to non-relatives, as is prevalent in certain Muslim communities.

Saturday, 10 February 2018

A Happy Home

Allah The Almighty Says (what means):{And Allah has made for you from your homes a place of rest.}[Quran 16:80]
You have told the truth, O our Lord! The home is a place of rest, stability, comfort, reassurance, safety and tranquility, in which we live, and with which we protect ourselves from the heat of summer and the cold of winter. It is also our shelter in which we take refuge after the trouble and toil of the day.
If a little bird's nest is its shelter, place of rest and abode of reassurance, it would be more worthy for man to have his home an abode of happiness and a source of his pleasure. A home is not only walls, furniture and linen, but it is also a place of worship, an institute, and a place for cordiality and comfort. The spouses fill it with love and affection, and tranquility, calmness and stability shade it.
In the Muslim home, material and sensual rest is combined with spiritual and emotional rest; thereby the home is comprehensive and balanced. Also, Allah The Almighty has made the home a place of rest for the couple; He has made the husband a source of tranquility for his wife, and the wife a source of tranquility for her husband. Allah The Almighty Says (what means): {And of His signs is that He created for you from yourselves mates that you may find tranquility in them; and He placed between you affection and mercy. Indeed in that are signs for a people who give thought.} [Quran 30:21] Thus, marriage is a source of tranquility, and homes are places of rest – a favor from Allah The Almighty which should be appreciated, maintained and preserved.
Some of us might wonder: “Why a Muslim home? Is there a difference between a Muslim and a non-Muslim home?”
Undoubtedly, the Muslim home differs from any other. Its inhabitants carry in their chests a glorious belief which fills their hearts with the light of faith, and this light is reflected on all aspects of their life. A Muslim person should be (an example of the) Quran among people, the same as was the moral character of the Messenger of Allah,  sallallaahu  `alayhi  wa  sallam ( may  Allah exalt his mention ). For this reason, a Muslim home, with its corners, furniture, and the way it is arranged, should express the Islam of its owner.
The Muslim home might be a simple hut, or a graceful palace, and in either there is pleasure, gratitude, satisfaction and living in the shades of the Noble Quran and Sunnah. The family members are happy, not because they have great furniture or expensive fittings, but because happiness springs from their believing hearts and reassured souls. This is because they are pleased with Allah The Almighty as their Lord, Islam as their religion and Muhammad,  sallallaahu  `alayhi  wa  sallam ( may  Allah exalt his mention ), as their Prophet and Messenger.
The houses of the Prophet,  sallallaahu  `alayhi  wa  sallam ( may  Allah exalt his mention ), were a good pattern for an Islamic home. As small in size and modest in building as they might have been, they were full of happiness and satisfaction, and remained the highest ideal for the homes of the Companions, may Allah be pleased with them, and any of the Muslims who wished to lay the foundation of a home afterwards.
The houses of the Prophet,  sallallaahu  `alayhi  wa  sallam ( may  Allah exalt his mention ), were established on obedience and seeking the satisfaction of Allah The Almighty, thereby representing the best example of the real Islamic home. Allah The Almighty Says (what means): {Then is one who laid the foundation of his building on righteousness [with fear] from Allah and [seeking] His approval better or one who laid the foundation of his building on the edge of a bank about to collapse, so it collapsed with him into the fire of Hell? And Allah does not guide the wrongdoing people.} [Quran 9:109]
Although the houses of the Prophet,  sallallaahu  `alayhi  wa  sallam ( may  Allah exalt his mention ), were as humble, only enough as to satisfy his need, as simple as to cover (the minimum requirements of) his living, they were full of happiness, where their inhabitants were well-pleased with the fate and sustenance endowed to them by Allah The Almighty, and believing in the statement of the Prophet,  sallallaahu  `alayhi  wa  sallam ( may  Allah exalt his mention ): “He, upon whom morning comes while being safe and sound, healthy in his body, and having the sustenance of his day, seems as if the entire world has been granted for him.” [At-Tirmithi and Ibn Maajah]
The houses of the Prophet,  sallallaahu  `alayhi  wa  sallam ( may  Allah exalt his mention ), were based on worship and obedience to Allah The Almighty, where humbleness, simplicity and abstinence from the enjoyment of this worldly life seemed evident. All his houses surrounded the mosque. Some of them were built of palm reeds covered with mud, others of stones piled on top of each other, having their ceiling made of palm reeds.
The home of the Mother of Believers, ‘Aaishah, may Allah be pleased with her, the dearest of his wives to him after Khadeejah, may Allah be pleased with her, consisted of one chamber, built of bricks covered with mud, and another room annexed to it, made of palm reeds, covered with animal hair. Its door had a single wooden post, and its ceiling was low, like all the other houses of the Prophet,  sallallaahu  `alayhi  wa  sallam ( may  Allah exalt his mention ). It had simple furniture: a bed of pieces of wood tied with fiber ropes, having a cushion of leather stuffed with fiber; a water-skin; and clay vessels for his food and ablution.
Simplicity and contentment also seemed evident in the homes of the Companions of the Messenger of Allah,  sallallaahu  `alayhi  wa  sallam ( may  Allah exalt his mention ). The furniture of Faatimah, may Allah be pleased with her, the daughter of the Prophet,  sallallaahu  `alayhi  wa  sallam ( may  Allah exalt his mention ), with which she was wed to ‘Ali Ibn Abi Taalib, may Allah be pleased with him, consisted of a mantle of velvet, a cushion of leather stuffed with fiber, a millstone, a water-skin and two jars. That was the furniture of the leader of the women of Paradise, and the daughter of the master of all the prophets, may Allah exalt their mention. This shows how the houses of the Prophet,  sallallaahu  `alayhi  wa  sallam ( may  Allah exalt his mention ), and of his Companions, may Allah be pleased with them, were a good model for the Islamic home.
If such was the state of the houses of the Prophet,  sallallaahu  `alayhi  wa  sallam ( may  Allah exalt his mention ), and his Companions, may Allah be pleased with them, this does not mean that Islam impedes one from being blessed in a graceful spacious home; on the contrary, according to Islam, that is a sustenance, favor and grace bestowed by Allah The Almighty upon whomever He pleases. Allah The Almighty Says (what means): {Say, “Who has forbidden the adornment of Allah which He has produced for His servants and the good [lawful] things of provision?”} [Quran 7:32] The Messenger of Allah,  sallallaahu  `alayhi  wa  sallam ( may  Allah exalt his mention ), said: “Four things bring about happiness: a righteous woman (i.e., wife), a spacious residence, a good neighbor, and a comfortable means of transport.” [Al-Haakim] Man then has to utilize this pleasure in all that is good, for he would be held accountable about it on the Day of Judgment as confirmed by Allah The Almighty in the verse (which means): {Then you will surely be asked that Day about pleasure.} [Quran 102:8]
Like other human beings, the Muslim family inclines to possess the best, the most spacious, the prettiest, and the richest of homes. Allah The Almighty Says (what means): {Beautified for people is the love of that which they desire - of women and sons, heaped-up sums of gold and silver, fine branded horses, and cattle and tilled land. That is the enjoyment of worldly life, but Allah has with Him the best return.} [Quran 3:14]
The Muslim family knows well that real happiness is to make the home, whether it is small or large, a garden full of faith, satisfied with contentment, shaded with tranquility and reassurance; and to have its members adopt high morals and upright conduct. It perceives that in whichever state it might be, it is living in a favor bestowed by Allah The Almighty for which gratitude is due. Gratitude for a favor develops, purifies and proliferates it as confirmed by Allah; Allah The Almighty (what means):{If you are grateful, I will surely increase you [in favor].} [Quran 14:7]
The Muslim family neither boasts nor shows pride over others because of the favors of Allah The Almighty bestowed upon it. It always shows the bounty and favor conferred by Allah The Almighty upon it in response to His statement (which means): {But as for the favor of your Lord, report [it].}[Quran 93:11]  And, acting upon the statement of the Messenger of Allah,  sallallaahu  `alayhi  wa  sallam ( may  Allah exalt his mention )“Indeed, Allah likes to see the signs of His favor on His slave.” [At-Tirmithi and Al-Haakim]
But, at the same time, the Muslim family should not engage in worldly pleasures and neglect obedience to Allah The Almighty, nor be mainly concerned with their house in this worldly life, which diverts them from working for their house in Paradise, Allah willing. To this meaning a poet refers, by saying that one shall have no abode to reside in after death other than the one he built before his death. If he built it well, his residence (in the Hereafter) would be good; and if he built it with evil, he would fail.
Once, ‘Ali Ibn Abi Taalib, may Allah be pleased with him, passed by a man who was building a house, thereupon he said to him, “You were dead before you came to life, and in a short while you will be dead [yet again]. You are building a house for the perishing abode [i.e. this worldly life], so build a house for the eternal abode [i.e. the Hereafter as well].”
Blessed be the Muslim family if it is to have the world in its hand and not in its heart; and blessed be it if it is to utilize all things surrounding it correctly in such a way as to help it obey Allah The Almighty, acting upon the following wisdom, “Work for your worldly life as if you would live forever, and work for your Hereafter as if you would die tomorrow.” [Ibn Al-Mubaarak in Az-Zuhd]
To talk about the Muslim home, its components and furniture, does not mean that all those specifications should be comprised in every home. But, it is an ideal we ask Allah The Almighty to give to every Muslim on the face of the earth.
The main point lies not in the walls and furniture of the house so much as it lies in its inhabitants. Hence, every family member could bring about happiness and satisfaction to his household with the smallest thing available to him. The faithful believer is intelligent and prudent, as the Messenger of Allah,  sallallaahu  `alayhi  wa  sallam ( may  Allah exalt his mention ), said: “The sagacious one is he who holds himself accountable [for his deeds], and works for [the life] after death; and the incompetent is he who subjugates his self to its fancies and has hopeful expectations from Allah.”[Ahmad, At-Tirmithi and Ibn Maajah]

The essential pillars of marital life

Marital happiness is a dream that all husbands and wives have had since the beginning of time and many spouses are still trying to fulfill this dream through all possible means. Nevertheless, being away from the true teachings of Islam and sound prophetic guidance has led them to confusion between the different means: Western and Eastern. However, when one returns to the Sunnah of the Prophet  sallallaahu  `alayhi  wa  sallam ( may  Allah exalt his mention ) he will inevitably reach his goal. Allah The Almighty has granted success to one of the callers to Allah to compile the pillars of the marital life, which are:
First: good intention:
 This means that the spouses should begin their marital life with a sincere intention to obtain the pleasure of Allah The Almighty. This would be displayed in the following matters:
1 – Maintaining ones' chastity, guarding the private parts against committing sin, lowering the gaze and fulfilling each spouse's responsibility towards the other.
2 – Establishing the Muslim home in concordance with the methodology of Allah The Almighty.
3 – Producing righteous offspring who affirm that there is nothing worthy of worship except Allah and who worship Him as He should be worshipped.
Second: Cooperation with one another in obeying Allah The Almighty.
Third: Establishing a Muslim home and family.
Fourth: Building the marital relationship on love, mercy and kind association.
Before talking about marital happiness, there is a set of rules that a wife should comprehend and be fully aware of:
First: a human being has three levels:
This is specific to mental and cognitive aspects.
Second: a woman must distinguish between two things:
This is specific to instincts and desires (the abdomen and sexual organs).
2 - Good association (affection and mercy), and this also has its components.
Satisfying the husband's needs according to his age as well as his economic status are components of stability. The woman should know the man's needs and the manner in which he thinks.
A righteous woman can achieve her husband's essential needs in terms of security and efficiency, as stated in Maslow's hierarchy of needs. This includes the basic needs:
Through maintaining his wealth and honor, in addition to patience, chastity, and so on.
Through satisfying basic needs, sexual desires etc.
 He is looking for a loving wife and a friend. Add-ons:
Third, a pious woman never asks until she gives:
Such a woman gives first and then asks. A Bedouin woman offered her daughter the following advice on her wedding day, "Be an earth for him and he will be your sky; be a bondmaid for him and he will be your slave."
This is an indispensable introduction that should be known before discussing marital happiness and its components in detail.
 3 - The lower level:
1 – The stability of the home, and this has its components.
2 – The middle level:
1 - The highest level:
This is specific to feelings and emotions (heart and sentiment).
Fifth: Forgiveness and pardoning.
Sixth: Calmness at times of anger.

Thursday, 8 February 2018

He used to keep himself busy serving his family - II

It is narrated on the authority of As-Siddeeqah (‘Aa’ishah), daughter of As-Siddeeq (Abu Bakr), may Allah be pleased with them, the wife of the best of creation, sallAllahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, that she said, describing his conduct in his house, “He used to keep himself busy serving his family.” [Al-Bukhari] “He, sallAllahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, used to sew his garments, stitch his sandals, and do all things that men do in their homes.” [Al-Albaani: Saheeh]
It is narrated on the authority of Al-Aswad  may  Allah  have  mercy  upon  him that he said: I asked ‘Aa’ishah, may Allah be pleased with her, about what the Messenger of Allah, sallAllahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, used to do at home, thereupon she said, “He used to keep himself busy serving his family, and once the prayer was due, he would come out for the prayer.” [Al-Bukhari]
It is narrated on the authority of ‘Aa’ishah, may Allah be pleased with her, that she was asked about what the Messenger of Allah, sallAllahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, used to do at home, thereupon she said, “He was a human being like other human beings. he used to take out lice from his garment, milk his sheep and serve himself.” [Al-Albaani: Saheeh]
The Hadeeth (narration) indicates, if not exhorts men to serve their families. The noblest of creation used to sew his garment and stitch his sandals! So, why do you, my brother, not follow his example, sallAllahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, and join your wife in the service of the house, like washing the dishes and other chores, even if not on a regular basis? Whilst doing so, you should remember the statement of ‘Aa’ishah, may Allah be pleased with her, “The Prophet, sallAllahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, used to keep himself busy serving his family.” That, to be sure, has the most impressive effect in increasing the ties of affection and mercy between the spouses.
Although he was the Prophet of Allah, sallAllahu 'alayhi wa sallam, and the head of the Muslim state, he found the time to serve his household. What a great tutor he is!
If you are not doing so already, dear brother, I invite you to start sharing household duties with your wife, and please her, even with a little work in the house. Although she may not let you do so, she will surely appreciate your endeavor and this will increase her respect for you. Rather, she would hasten to do the work instead of you but with great happiness, and the feeling that all her tiredness is gone, after she learns that you appreciate her service in the house. With mere appreciation (of her service) and a little work, your happiness at home will become enduring and your leadership will be secure.
The husband’s role
The husband should co-operate with his wife at home through:
1- Personally helping his wife in the responsibilities of the house.
He should contribute towards the household chores with his wife as much as lies within his capacity. The Messenger of Allah, sallAllahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, used to keep himself busy serving his family, and so did the Companions, may Allah be pleased with them. Since the Messenger of Allah, sallAllahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, practiced this, then, it becomes incumbent upon any other husband to act in accordance with his Sunnah (tradition), sallAllahu ‘alayhi wa sallam.
2- Reducing his demands and not blaming the wife for deficiency.
It is not considered good treatment if the husband makes too many demands on his wife in serving him and his household, neither should he take her to task harshly in case she falls short.
3- Determining the household responsibilities:
Have you told your husband that his helping you with the housework makes you love him more? Help with the housework can become a means to fulfill other emotional needs which the other party needs to be reminded of.
Before housework turns into a cause of dispute between the spouses, we suggest imposing the policy of shared agreement, and sitting together to solve the basic problems. What is required now is:
1- A quiet night and psychological readiness
2- Paper and a pen
3- Smiles and patience
In this atmosphere, each of the spouses should determine the tasks to be done by him/her. The housework may be divided into:
1- Tasks you like to do and do not need any help to do them.
2- Tasks you are satisfied with but need the help of the other party
3- Tasks you regard as the responsibility of the other party alone
4- Tasks of the other party in which you are willing to help.
Then, each party is required to show his/her agreement or disagreement on those items. In this way, the responsibilities are determined, and each party is held responsible for the tasks he/she has agreed to do.
In this way, both spouses can care for the feelings of each other, and bring happiness to one another. When a married couple holds a discussion, they should observe the following tips:
1- To be nice and pleasant during the discussion
2- To be calm, first of all, and stay away from belligerent behavior
3- A dead end does not mean that the discussion is over, but that it should be postponed to avoid a clash
4- To make sure to put yourself in the place of the other party.
You may also make a special list for the children of the chores they can do, so that they would learn how to bear their share of the responsibility for doing the housework.
In conclusion
Try to help your wife in some of the housework in order to make her feel that you care about her, and that you appreciate her efforts. Ask her to rest and not do any housework if she is tired, and do that work yourself instead of her. Of a surety, this increases the affection and mercy between you, keeps the river of love flowing, and raises your share in her bank of love.
Your little bit of work at home is like salt in the food. So, share in the housework even if it is just a little, out of appreciation and acknowledgement of the great service your wife does for you, perchance you would spur her to work willingly and relentlessly, and her body and soul will be at your disposal without complaint.

READ Part 1 - He used to keep himself busy serving his family - I

He used to keep himself busy serving his family - I

Some wives complain, in their messages, that their husbands do not bother to do any chores related to the family, whether inside or outside the house, even if it is a routine or simple matter, and this, of course, makes them feel sad, hurt and frustrated.
Dear Muslim husband and wife,
To help with the housework is one of the emotional requirements of the wife. It creates a feeling of peace and happiness within the house. This help includes, for instance, cooking meals, washing dishes, washing and ironing clothes, cleaning the house and taking care of the children.
In the beginning of the marriage, the husband automatically co-operates with his wife in the housework; a help which she welcomes.
But with the passage of time, and with the husband’s increasing engagement in his work outside the house, neither the husband nor the wife regard it as an important emotional requirement, and at that point, the countdown of the time bomb starts.
When the children come, the needs automatically increase: there is a need to increase the income and to bear more household responsibilities.
While the mother focuses on the needs of the infant, the father’s natural reaction to help takes the form of providing more money, which makes him mainly concerned with his work: he searches for overtime at work in the hope of increasing his salary.
Here, many disputes take place between the spouses, especially when the wife is a working woman, and is exposed to the same pressure that the husband is exposed to.
This can be avoided if both spouses tackle the issue with love and intelligence. Failing this, the reserves of the bank of love will suffer.
Most husbands do not help with the housework, whether or not their wives work. The working wives return home exhausted and unable to do the housework in the best manner, which means that a lot of work in the house remains undone.
Such women hardly rest, even on holidays: they spend all their time taking care of their children, cleaning the house and doing the laundry. They then need help with the housework, which forces them to resort to external help from maids, in order to be able to cover that emotional need. Running the household and fulfilling the husband’s demands contribute in increasing her share in his bank of love; and vice versa, i.e. helping the wife contribute in increasing his share in her bank of love.
Shared responsibilities
Both the man and woman have a role to play and responsibility to bear in the house. Good companionship between them requires that they should co-operate in these responsibilities. Among the most important responsibilities due upon the woman is to dispose of the household affairs, and nurture the children.
These responsibilities, though borne by the woman for the most part, should be shared between the spouses according to the principle of co-operation.
The emotional needs of both the woman and the man
Confidence and care are among the emotional needs of both the man and woman.
When the wife has confidence in her husband’s capability, he becomes more eager to care for and serve her. Similarly, when the husband cares for his wife, she becomes more confident of him and of his capabilities.
The joy of sharing
Successful spouses are those who share in doing many simple things, like planning for the future, arranging the library, cooking a quick meal, making arrangements for something related to the children, and other such simple tasks which contribute to the kind treatment and affection between them. Thus, each of the spouses feels happy and contented on seeing his/her partner beside him, sharing his/her joy and grief, and not leaving him/her. A successful life is based on the principle of give and take, love and reassurance that there is someone who supports the person and will always be by his side no matter what happens.
Emotional contentment
The family’s beauty is reflected in the co-operation between the spouses in carrying the burdens of life. At times, the husband sacrifices and serves his wife, and the wife does the same at other times and serves her husband.
Service is not the exclusive characteristic of one of the spouses without the other: both spouses are partners in it. The best way to treat a woman is if her husband sympathizes with her regarding the housework, and assists her in this regard. If a woman, who is a housewife devotes her effort and energy to the service of her husband and children, and, at the same time, receives neither encouragement nor appreciation, she will fall a victim to frustration and intense emotional deprivation. This is why the Messenger of Allah, sallAllahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, took this into consideration. He never obligated his wives with the burden of his service. He used to serve himself, and hasten to help his wives, to the extent that he would put his leg forward for one of them to mount a camel.
A man’s awareness of this fact, good treatment and service of their wives has an impressive effect on their spiritual tranquility and emotional stability. This causes the woman to receive her husband in a state of utmost happiness and contentment, no matter how destitute and poor they might be.